Today has been one thing after another after another. First, a sweet woman who used to attend my church went to be with Jesus last Tuesday. Her memorial was this morning. Due to various reasons (primarily, the fact that I don't know how to budget my time), I was unable to make it to the service. I had already left before I realized that 15 minutes until the start, I could not make a 30 minute drive and be late. Frustrated, I turned around and came home and did the most logical thing: took my frustrations out on my husband. After arguing over nothing really, I broke down crying because I was so angry at myself for not being able to pay my last respects. I prayed about it and sent a message to Ms. Judy via Jesus. I had planned to see a co-worker after the memorial for a bit of shopping to decorate her home. So I got myself together and met with her. While at Kirklands, I received a phone call from my brother-in-law that my father-in-law had yet another stroke (this man defies all odds, thankfully). I left in order to go home to get my husband and travel to my in-laws' home (since he is in in-home hospice care, doctors come to him instead of him going to the hospital). It was thankfully not a high grade event and within hours, he was recognizing faces and talking with us all. We spent the greater part of the day with them.
Around 11pm, my husband and his brother were watching the Alvarez-Trout boxing fight while I was upstairs, monitoring our cat who was in full labor. By 12:30, 5 kittens had been born and I could not have been more ecstatic (these are my grandkittens). However, there was a problem with one that Mega was not paying much attention to. I automatically went into panic mode. I have been reading every article and watching every video about the pregnancy, labor and delivery, and weeks to follow for these little babies to come so I was ready. I pulled on some gloves and massaged its back with a warm cloth, took a dropper and sucked any mucus from its nose and mouth, patted it on the back with my finger to loosen anything obstructing its airways, placed it in a cloth and the on a heating pad on low to keep him warm, put him next to my heartbeat to he could feel my skin and my heart rhythm. He would take gasps of air every minute or so but after about 30 minutes, my mom said that he was probably gone. So I held him a little longer and realized that he wasn't breathing. So I cried my eyes out. My mom found a little business card box (yes, they are that little) and we put him in there. We placed the box in a ziplock bag and will bury him tomorrow in the back yard on the hill with my two other dogs.
Why did I say I was learning to play soccer? In soccer, a change can come from out of nowhere. You can be completely blindsided by an opponent which can either be a good thing, if you manage to keep the ball in your control, or a bad thing, if they steal it from you. Today I'd have to say I feel as though I did not do a very good job handling these interruptions. I became angry, frustrated, and extremely sad. These emotions would be expected given the circumstances but the way in which I carried them out was not with the best poise. Picking a fight because of my own frustrations? Ignorant. Becoming angry because my shopping trip was cut short by someone's illness? Selfish. Engrossing myself so much in one kitten that I ignored the 4 others completely? Inconsiderate. I am working on a better me and one of the tricks to a better me is holding myself accountable. So hopefully during this next week, I will have a better report on how I have become better at soccer
| Slipscream, our little fallen decepticon |
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