Dad: as told by me

I am an eligibility worker with the Department of Social Services in my county on the adult unit. We process and maintain ongoing Long Term Care for cases that have an adult active on the case. Today, while taking the closed files for my team to our closed records room, I came across the file of my father-in-law with a blue sticker across it that read, 'DECEASED.' I was not prepared for the flood of emotions and tears that followed. He passed away in his sleep at home on September 26, 2013 around 2am. I guess its like the saying goes that sometimes you do not feel a cut until you see it as your brain hasn't processed it yet. Seeing that note made my brain process his passing all over again. I work with my mom, so I took the file, went to her office and closed the door, and cried on her shoulder for what seemed like forever.

-----

The first date I had with my eventual husband twelve years ago, I also met his parents. I told his dad that I was going to marry his son (yes, that same day). And he laughed. Not in a "wow, you are a fatal attraction" way but more so "okay, if those are your plans, hopefully it pans out that way." That was the way that dad was. Never condescending. Never mean. Never negative.

Dad was an amazing man. Ask anyone. I have never heard anyone utter a bad word about him and in all of the years that I have known him, I can't think of anything bad to say about him. He became a Christian later in life and brought his family that consisted of his wonderful wife and three boys to know Christ through not only His words but his actions. The fingerprints of God covered his body and everything that he did. He was friends with any and everyone; it did not matter your background or your current situation. 

In May 2007, he had his first stroke. He was in New York for work and about to board the Amtrac. He had the stroke and an ambulance was called who insisted that he be taken to a hospital but he adamantly refused. At that same time, my mother in law (whom I call momma) and husband were headed home to Virginia from my college graduation in Tennessee. The 7.5 hour trip was sprinkled with all kinds of issues with their vehicle whichever dad was kept abreast of by momma. He refused Togo to the hospital in New York because his wife and son were headed to Union Station in D.C. To pick him up and he did not want them to stress any more than they already had by finding that he wasn't there when they arrived. So they put him in a wheelchair and put him on the train.

This is one of my favorite stories about him. He was so concerned about his wife and son not stressing anymore that he risked his health to be with them. That is love. That is sacrifice.

When the train arrived and he was taken off of the train in the wheelchair. An ambulance was called and he was taken to the hospital I met everyone at the hospital that night. Before we had to leave as visiting hours came to a close, dad asked momma to go home to get a good rest and asked her to bring something back for him: his Bible on tape and a Walkman to play it.as most know, a stroke effects the left side of the body. Without the use of his left side, dad would not be able to adequately hold his hefty Bible. He followed this short lesson with this statement: "isn't it amazing how God made our bodies?" This coming from a man who suffered a debilitating stroke four hours before seeking medical treatment to spare the feelings of his loved ones.

By the time he passed, the number of strokes had surpassed 10 and were coupled with the occasional heart attack and early signs of dementia. He went from using a quad and, to a walker, to a manual wheelchair, to an electric scooter sand eventually not being able to complete bed rest in the hospital bed set in his room and cared for by a nurse. This wonderful man was changing. Did his spirit diminish? I would like to say no but with so many health issues, so many medications, so little of "the old you" remaining, I wish that I could say that he was exempt. But I don't believe that his spirit diminish, just less of it was shown to us and more of it was present with God. As Christians, we believe that we ware not of this world and this is not our home. Dad was no longer fully here as he was preparing his forever home.

Momma had 45 years of marriage, my husband had 28 years of his dad (while his brothers had 42 and 32 years), and I had the pleasure of knowing him for 12 years. Anyone did not know him truly missed out on an amazing friend. He was the definition of a hard worker. As loyal as they come. Compassionate and truly heartbroken for the things that broke Jesus's heart.